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My two years here have come and gone. Originally it had been seen as a quick fix to help my failing marriage. Obviously, that did not work. Kavita only visited me here to present me with the divorce papers in person. Last I spoke with her, life seemed to be going well and she was happy. I wish her peace.

Then it was going to be a place to start a new beginning. A fun adventure with Antonina. Although, that ended before it even had a chance to really begin. Last I spoke with her it was to wish her happy birthday. She hung up on me and sent me an e-mail not to contact her again. I wish her happiness and wisdom that comes with time.

Looking back on both relationships I wonder what I could have said or done differently, or if I would have. In my soul I am committed only to the absolute of freedom. If someone does not wish to stay, I will not fight them, coerce them or corral them. Life is too short to be stuck in such a situation.

I have asked Q to go with me to Pikes market on Monday. I wish to return to the spot where I fell in love with Seattle and with the person who was with me when it happened. In some ways she is more excited about my Research Fellowship then I am. Since to her, I will have a permanent address to which she can write me for the next four years.

I met with both Gaurav and Tea Master Zhao upon different occasions to wish them well and farewell for now. They were both excellent friends to me during my stint here in the North West.

I wrote off the loan of the money I paid for my sister and her fiance' to move up here. They have been enjoyable room mates and good companions during this last year. Seattle is going to be a wonderful place for them to continue with where they are going and what they are doing. She's made wonderful progress in the theater scene and the Evil Empire has offered him an FTE position...

So back to packing and repeating of my new mantra:
"I love to travel. I hate to move."

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Current Location: Redmond, WA
Disposition: awake awake
Auricular confession: Blank and Jones

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Had a draft in here. Apparently I was so lost in thought that I did not write anything else but the date. ~laughs

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I have been so busy with living life that I have not really taken the time to update here. So here are some highlights of what's happened in the past two weeks just for the record (In no particular order, other then a slight chronological arrangement).

1) Visited Alaska for a week and coded for hours on end on my little SONY LifeStyle PC.
Impressions of AlaskaCollapse )

2) Supported my brother in a half marathon.
3) Tended my brothers boys at the lake house while he fixed the sprinkler system with our father.
4) Used my AAA + RV card to get his RV towed from where it stalled on a hill 15 miles from the lake house.
5) Put an offer on a house for my mom and two of my sisters and their kids.
6) Had my Alaska contract reviewed by an attorney and was advised to "Run like hell".
7) Took my nephew to the ER for a broken finger.
8) Talked with Captain Leah about how to hack her recently deceased Grandfather's iMac so they could get his photo collection.

Oh yeah, and I recently was offered a Research Fellowship by Roger Billings : full ride scholarship to get my doctorate degree from the International Academy of Science.

Current Location: North Salt Lake, UTAH
Disposition: accomplished accomplished
Auricular confession: Transport 4

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Pulled up on the sand at the dead end of the drive near the condo. Got out of the car and just leaned against it to gaze up at the star filled sky. It's been a damn long time since I have seen the stars like this. There is just something about the darkness in the desert that makes the stars sparkle brighter then anywhere else I have seen.

It was too late at night to send an SMS to Q. But I remember how she and I would wander off into the dark corners of the dessert to star at those heavens and wonder what we had done to be stranded here on the Australia of the universe. . .

I took mom to see Race to Witch Mountain tonight. It was amusing. Not quite what I was expecting, but then again it would have been boring had they just retold the same exact story that I recall from my child hood. . .

All those nights under the stars. I could almost always see her face like a silhouette upon the canvas of the night. I used to wonder if she was even half as haunted as I was. Did she close her eyes when she was in the arms of another and remember me. Or had she embraced the future and done what I could not; let go of the past and just love the one she was with. Love has never been like a token to me. I have never been able to give it and just take it away. Once I give it, I jump in with both feet as I cut the safety line. . .

Vika called me the other day and invited me to Amsterdam. Harmon called me tonight and said he would buy me a plane ticket to anywhere in the world I want to go. I put him on speaker phone and looked up at the night sky. Apparently he's been seeing my sister quite a bit and she put the moves on him the other night. He wanted me to ease his guilt and be his excuse to tell her no.

"I was hoping that you would tell me you had a problem with it. So I could tell her that it is all your fault."

I simply replied, "You can hope in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first.". . .

I got another call tonight. It was about the recent internet data thefts. "I read these stories in the paper and my first thought was, 'These have you written all over them.'" I just shook my head and said, "Please do not say that out loud, you are likely to give someone the wrong idea." Then I explained how I personally believed it was an inside job. That there was no way that terabytes of information outbound from the Petagon would not go unnoticed. And that if it wasn't an inside job someone needs to lose their job. Because you aren't creative enough to imagine how someone can take you down you shouldn't be in charge of putting it up.

All these hacks being leaked to the public the same week as RSA Conference and you expect me to think it's coincidence? Not a chance. The military in this country has gotten used to having a fat wallet, a wallet filled by fear. IRAQ is now out of favor. We have a president that uses a black berry. What's the new fear? Yeah, exactly. . .

And as I write this entry, "I Will Always" by the Cranberries queues up. Half as haunted, that's all I ask. . .

Current Location: St. George, Utah
Disposition: nostalgic nostalgic
Auricular confession: iTunes on Random. . .

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"I can't take you no place." -Sinnamon Margarita :: Spoken with dismay one evening when we traveled to a remote location and several women knew me.

"Wait. Eric is Twilight?" -Jubal: the barkeep. :: Said to Alicia who's reality began to crumble at that moment.

"It has been a pleasure to meet you Eric, even though I feel like I'm the last one to do so." -Roger Billings

Driving across the country in this huge RV bus that is "wrapped" with the slogan "Show Me The Money Bus Tour . com". It has been quite an adventure thus far and it's really just the beginning of what is to come. One of the stops was to meet with a Billionaire in Kansas who owns an underground office/factory/datacentre.

So there I was 150 feet underground sitting across from the gentleman and some of his staff members. We talked for a bit about why I was there and what I needed. It was decided that I would need to interface with four of his staff. He summoned the first. She walked in and stood in the door frame. I smiled. It had been almost 18 years to the day since we had seen each other. She had been my dear friend Demo's older sister who had run away with my room mate Carlos. I had always assumed they had ended up dead in a ditch somewhere as enemies of the Oil Company for his methane powered engine design.

Later it was revealed that Carlos was there too. He is the Chief Technology Officer. We shared some geek moments and some fun conversation. I got the skinny on his younger sister who had been my romantic interest for several years.

Circles within circles. . .

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Current Location: Tour Bus
Disposition: amused amused
Auricular confession: The Blood - The Cure

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Here I am once again in St. George, Utah. The VLender.com crew has started a new venture and asked me to come down for a month or two and spec it out. It has actually been a rather fun adventure so far.

It is interesting how life moves in circles.

Current Location: St. George, Utah
Disposition: amused amused
Auricular confession: Dreaming - BT

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They say that bad news always comes in three's.

First it was the realization that my engagement was detoriating right as it was truly beginning.

Second it was finding out about Kaza's death.

Third, it was "the talk": Right as I came in this morning my Manager took me aside for a private discussion. You know the one that has been going on around here at the Evil Empire lately. So no exact date yet, some time in March, possibly May, but most likely March.

Oddly enough, this last one disturbs me the least.

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Current Location: Evil Empire
Disposition: indifferent indifferent
Auricular confession: Pandora.com

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And the sleepless nights turn into days. Nothing really seems to matter anymore. All that hassle and paper work to get the fiance' VISA approved and the very week I am notified it was accepted. . .

Now I find myself having to fax over the request to cancel it. Going to stop into HR later in the week and change my insurance and beneficiary. I've been holding off on that last one, since I don't really have any beneficiary right now. K3 is gone, Lucretia is gone, and now she is gone. . .

I remind myself I have been here before and that always before I managed to pull myself together and keep going forward. But I was younger then. Now the months pass as days and soon it will be the years. All the friends and family that were given to the soil this past year has really taken a toll on me. My hair has all turned gray and I can see the wrinkles from my faded smile gathering around my eyes. The life line on my palm is full of pot holes and I can't help but wonder what's next. . .

Current Location: Redmond Estate
Disposition: contemplative contemplative
Auricular confession: The Sky Is Broken - Moby

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It is with great sorrow that I pen this entry. ameyakoi has gone on to the next level. She was one of my very first LJ friends. She was not afraid to comment on my erotic writing and tell me what she really thought. She pulled colours into creation that I never even knew existed.

I remember the night she told me that she had been told she maybe only had six months left to live. I had just sold my house in St. George and had a few dollars in the bank and a car that worked. I walked into the front room and asked mom if she wanted to go for a drive to Canada. She looked up at me and said, "When are leaving?"


We drove for days all the way across America. We stopped briefly in Delaware to visit and old flame and dear friend. Then it was north all the way. I remember noticing how the American made maps lie. Canada is much larger then the maps display. It took us almost the same amount of time it had to cross all of America from Utah to New York City as it did to get from across the border to the other side of Nova Scotia.

She was surprised that we had really come. We briefly talked with her sister and she talked with her parents on the phone. We joked that she was being stolen by Gypsies! It was a wild and crazy adventure. She had some very specific things she wanted to see. Mount Rushmore, Yellow Stone park with Buffalo and the great cactus plants in the desert of Arizona. We drove it all. By the time we were done and she was on her flight to home, I had $2 dollars in my pocket and a half a tank of gas. But I did not bother her mind with those details. Money comes and money goes. I just wanted to give a girl who wasn't long for this world a few smiles and some memories to hold on to as the disease consumed her flesh.

It saddens me that I was so wrapped up in my own life that I did not get the chance to properly say goodbye. . .

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Current Location: Redmond, WA
Disposition: indescribable indescribable
Auricular confession: Moby - Track 17

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So as I walk into 2009 it's as a single man. The last trip to Moldova (I went to Moldova for two weeks, our Christmas and New Years) was the start of the finish of a relationship that did not even really have the chance to begin.

I will spare you all the details. But I will say this. This is only the second time in my life that I have ended a relationship. The first time was with the lovely Sinnamon of comic book fame. I was just too young to appreciate what I had. Now this time, I walk away because she is just too young to appreciate what she has. It is funny how the wheel of life just keeps turning bringing us full circle again and again. Perhaps it's more like a sphere of life, anyway. . .

I wish you all happy times this year. May the very best days of 2008 be the worst days in 2009.

Current Location: Redmond, WA
Auricular confession: Nora Jones - Don't know why I didn't come.

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In the past I have always voted for Nader. I liked his ideals, his philosophies and concepts of how to improve things and what needs to be done. But this time, while I saw his name on the ballot, I just shrugged and filled in the oval for another pair. I'm tired of the Maverick mentality. McCain likes to pretend he is one, but the real Maverick is actually Nader. But no, I wanted someone who was willing to get out of his comfort zone. Someone who is willing to roll up his sleeves and get out there. Someone who is interested in America as a country that leads towards the better meant of all man kind and not just a few silver lined pockets.

Nader to me would be no better then Bush. Bush spent the majority of his time at his ranch on vacation, while the money piled up for foreign countries and the boards were nailed on the windows of the average citizen. While Nader has stayed only in his comfort zone of Washington State and Oregon. No, it was time for something different.

I almost didn't register to vote since I was so disappointed in Nader this time. But then something happened. The debate where Joe the plumber was brought up. Interesting chap, not my cup of tea, but interesting just the same. I started paying attention to what McCain and his pit bull with lipstick are saying. Then I began to listen to the post rally interviews with the ignorant folks who attended them. I realise that any good merit was probably edited out. But what wasn't edited out left me frightened at first and then angry. Very angry. Angry that people in this day and age with all the facts laid out before them can still cling to such ignorance.

Barack Obama, I hope you win good sir. Oh and when you do, stay away from Texas. Let's not have another JFK incident. We can't afford to lose you to the ignorance.

Current Location: Redmond, WA
Disposition: contemplative contemplative
Auricular confession: Sexy Naughty Bitchy - Tata Young

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